Are Christians Too Loud?

Houses of worship have featured live music for centuries. In recent years many have been plugging into rock-style sound systems and cranking up the volume. The effort to appeal to more and younger churchgoers is splitting opinions—and ears.

WSJ  @estherfung 

Way up in the heavens, where the cherub choirs sing,

heads were being shaken and pure hands began to wring.

It seems that here upon the Earth a problem had occurred

that irked celestial councils and great bitterness had stirred.

In churches scattered round the globe the music was disturbed;

twas loud and harsh, metallic, and it left some folks perturbed.

The soothing hymn, the chanting plaint, that once rose up to God,

had been supplanted with a racket like the riot squad.

Pastors who viewed empty pews as personal affronts

decided that the young folks wanted heavy metal stunts.

And so they brought in singers who split eardrums with great ease,

that played electric instruments at levels that shook trees.

Younger members of the church responded very well;

but older folk thought that the noise came straight from down in --

well,

they simply didn't like it and they wanted it to stop.

But they were superseded (and they couldn't call a cop.) 

So young folks came while old folks frowned, and deafness crept on in --

was energizing membership quite worth the awful din?

The problem was of such import that in the Heavenly City

angels formed an earth-bound team in choler and in pity.

Gabriel would lead the crew to find the reason why

mortals were so crazy all their hymns to amplify.

Invisible they wafted down to Earth to take a gander

and find out if the hubbub was real music or loud slander.

Into chapel, into church, they floated to observe

the piety, or otherwise, of those who played with verve.

They looked at congregations that in fervor oft arose

to chant along while clapping (wearing earmuffs made by Bose.)

It soon became apparent to the otherworldly squad

that quietude was deemed a lack of loyalty to God.

Silence was not golden, and parishioners believed

that stillness made the holy spirit very much aggrieved.

Gabriel decided that the Earth was close to nearing

a catastrophic loss of faith and probably of hearing.

He and his angelic band resolved right then and there

that mortals should all lose their ears -- to save them from the blare.

And so it came to pass that ev'ry nation, class, and creed,

lost their hearing handles with no pain but lots of speed.

Eyeglasses were tied around the back of people's heads;

otherwise they'd fall off and be trampled into shreds.

No longer in the thrall of noise, church services resumed

their quiet introspection while the members were illumed.

The world became a better place for all mankind betimes --

and this was most of all so true for street performing mimes.

***********************************

Bread in Myanmar, by N.D. January 2019.