Way Up Where Polar Bears Cavort

WASHINGTON—The Navy is planning to expand its role in the Arctic as climate change opens up more ocean waterways and the U.S. vies with great-power rivals Russia and China for influence in the far north.

WSJ

Way up where polar bears cavort,

where ne'er has ever been a fort,

fierce climate change has opened wide

a route for jingoistic pride.

Our Navy, manned by sailors true,

is gliding o'er the icy blue,

and spoiling for a fight with those

who bar their way with haughty pose.

Suppose a raft of penguins takes

an attitude to be headaches;

our doughty ships will slice right through

their ineffective, mangy crew.

Or should a walrus rear its head

and bellow loudly with dire dread;

would our brave Navy run away?

Not them -- that beast they'd gladly flay!

Of course if Russian trawler seems

set to collide abaft the beams

our naval forces will respond

with sang froid like the French beau monde.

They'll tip their caps and want to see

if Russians will come drink some tea.

And if the surly Slavic foe

takes cream and sugar in combo.

Or should an oriental craft

from China ding propeller shaft,

our admiral will go "Tut tut,"

continuing his practice putt.

For so superior are we

upon the icy Arctic Sea

that confrontation ain't allowed

with others who are not our crowd.

But should Norwegians venture forth

and impinge upon the North,

you can bet our battle ships

would be on them like umpteen thrips.

Or should a freighter from Peru

presume to hove into our view

our naval guns will show 'em who

is running things all tried and true.

So fear naught, all you landsman weak;

our Navy's dancing cheek to cheek

with icebergs and the Arctic gale --

and never will they lower sail.

Unless, of course, the Treasury 

does come up short quite suddenly --

and then our lascars, all unpaid,

upon the Capital may raid.

And finding those who closed the Bank,

will make each one to walk the plank.

(But hardly can that come to pass

while sailors swab and polish brass.)

And so the Arctic Seas remain

a part of Uncle Sam's domain,

protected from the thieving mob

by our devoted, gallant gob.