Dear Amy;
Your snail mail has been coming to my address this week. I am saving it for you. The Nice Tim would offer to mail it to wherever you would like. But the Nice Tim is dead; you killed him.
Now the Mean Tim is running the show. So if you want your mail you’ll have to come and get it yourself. If you don’t respond to this email to tell me when you’ll be coming for it I’ll throw it out.
The Mean Tim wants you to know that he has not reneged on his offer of marriage. He thinks you still need a secure and stable place to live and be appreciated for all your fine qualities. And that place, to begin with, is right here at Valley Villas as Mean Tim’s loving and loyal wife. Unless you have financial means of supporting us that I know nothing about. So Mean Tim must insist you fill out the Financial Assets form and submit it to the PCHA office. Mean Tim will wait for you to convince yourself that this will not harm you in any way and that it will show to Mean Tim some of the respect you have so often denied him.
Do not email Mean Tim any more of your fuzzy psuedo gospel idee fixes. Once we are married Mean Tim expects you to suppress them as harmful fancies to both yourself and others. You and Mean Tim will study the gospel by reading the scriptures, not turgid propaganda from shysters and con artists. Mean Tim expects you to use your brains and heart to further his career as a humorist, not work as a shill for snake oil companies and shaky theology.
Mean Tim must tell you that he has deleted unread all your emails this week. The only way Mean Tim will ever read your emails again is if you put in the Subject Line this sentence: I Surrender Dear. It is based on an old Bing Crosby song:
Mean Tim sincerely believes it’s time you had a husband who ruled with a firm hand. Mean Tim doesn’t care if you like that or not, as long as you accept it as part of the marriage contract. Perhaps if you show Mean Tim how loving and reasonable you can be, like you used to be long ago, he will loosen the reins and repent of his grim decision to be the one and only boss in this marriage. But right now it’s Mean Tim’s way or the highway.
Remember, I’ll delete anything without reading it that does not have “I Surrender Dear” in the subject line.
Your devoted villain, Mean Tim.
*********************************
Response: Dear Tim,
I had hoped to chat tonight. But no problem to chat face to face later. I saw "Zookeeper" too. Kevin James does a good job of following the instructions from the animals, just like you. Insult, compliment and demand. Gets them every time. But that's not the lasting relationship. That's the one where he decides he doesn't like who he's turned into and he leaves her for the one who gets him to be himself.
I know that you wear a mask. You wear a mask to protect the guy who is unsure of the God you think you know. If you were Gollum you couldn't be more worthy of what awaits you.
Tim, what are we going to do? I know in my heart that I will not be able to keep quiet when there are things to understand. It would be wrong to make a person promise that. It would be wrong for me to accept that kind of treatment. God doesn't treat people that way. What makes you believe that I would want to live in that oppression? You alluded to the idea that if I was respectful there may be a way for you to repent of being the one and only boss in the house... where is our footing? Are we able to get on equal ground? How is treating me scornfully any kind of respect for yourself or our family? The things I've said are true. You called them fuzzy, with a few other epithets to insult me. I've been insulted before so I'm not sure what you hope to accomplish by whipping up on me now.
Do you believe that I have treated you scornfully as I asked questions about the actions you have done? Can you address with equity anything I've been asking? How can I believe you when you say you love me when I know you've been lying all your life? The wearing of the mask makes for a double mind. As long as you hide Dr. Jekyll from Mr. Hyde he won't hurt anyone. Hiding is what we don't want to do. God always knows what's going on. In James 1. Right after the verse that says to ask of God when you lack wisdom he cautioned to be firm in faith nothing waivering for a double minded man is unstable in all his ways. You say you have a stable place there. I know that if I were to get there it would not be a stable place anymore. Together we are volitile, we could be dynamic because of the skills we both have. Looking at the patterns in our lives will show you how unstable if you look at even just the time line. The only way way we can be stable is to be united in the one true God. I cannot comprehend the God you've made up for yourself. Your God has only tyranny and oppression. Equality isn't in the word picture you sent me.
Yours,
Amy
Email response from Amy, thus: I'll be there to pick the mail . Mean Tim has assumed something in the acceptance of the marriage contact but I'm not sure what. Will there be a monthly Temple attendance with both of us?
So I surrender, dear one.
Email response from friends in Thailand and Hawaii:
As usual, you are unusual.
I think that your email to Amy is well thought out and honest, and clear in its content and you are clear in your mind. I think your position makes sense. If she accepts your conditions, it will be good for her and for you, and for the two of you. Perhaps she is the type of person who needs the authority figure, and that you be the one she cannot conquer, except by love, and then it will be an even relationship.
But that's my perspective. I'd guess most any American woman would reject your conditions. But this is your life. You are willing to give her something. You don't have to. But you will if she accepts your conditions.
I'll now ask Wan Lee what she thinks. I'll guess that she'll say "Why offer marriage if he's not willing to love and accept her?" But I'm usually wrong, so let's see, after she comes back from the bathroom.
waiting ... waiting ...
Well, I was 100% wrong. "That's good. That's fair. Sometimes tough love is necessary. He's helping. He doesn't want to drag himself down to that empty meaningless. He offered something positive that's good for Amy. It's wise for him to put those parameters clearly, instead of unconditionally. He knows Amy the best. She might drive him nuts. It will be clear to her."
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