A GOP lawmaker thinks rise in Lyme disease is due to a secret tick experiment. A scientist squashes that idea. (WaPo)

millennia ago, the Ticks came to earth and began experimenting on us.  at that time they were monstrous huge creatures, the height of a green bay tree.  they put poison ivy in the Garden of Eden.  they gave Noah hydrophobia. then their own evil experiments backfired on them, shrinking them to their current insignificant size.  but they still possess an unpleasant curiosity.
their work with the Pentagon is well known in certain circles, and their very insignificance works to their advantage.  they sit on leaves in the gardens of important people, eavesdropping.  riding along all unbeknownst in a shirt pocket is one of their favorite activities -- this takes them into top secret facilities around the world, where they can crawl about and wreak havoc on not only our enemies but even on our allies. they don't care who they serve, as long as it causes misery and destruction.  if the Russians ever find out what the Ticks are still capable of, we can all kiss our pinky rings goodbye.