TERRORISTS CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY FOR TODAY'S ECLIPSE
It ain’t an eclipse in the sky --
It’s terrorists, who on the sly
Have captured sunlight for their use
To give us Westerners abuse!
Or else those haters of our ham
A truck will use the sun to ram.
The moon is not involved at all --
A burqa has become its shawl!
Anyone who shouts ‘Eclipse!’
Might have guns upon their hips.
So when the sun begins to shroud,
It’s terrorists and not a cloud!
Carl Icahn’s ambitions were great;
He wanted to jockey the state.
He thought as a guide
He’d make laws abide
His will -- now he’s outside the gate.
CHINA THROWS ITS WEIGHT AROUND TO GET CAMBRIDGE PRESS RESEARCH KILLED
In China the innocent scholar
Is deemed but an impudent brawler.
So journals agree
To censorship he
Is subject despite any squalor.
NO WELCOME FOR SPACE ALIENS -- UNLESS THEIR BRAND IS TRENDING
Little green men are a myth --
But not Klingons or evil Sith.
Without a good brand
There is no demand
For alien kin and their kith.
JOURNALISTS NO LONGER GO OUT LOOKING FOR NEWS: THEY JUST QUOTE A BUNCH OF TWEETS
THANK GOODNESS THIS ECLIPSE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TRUMP -- OR DOES IT?
Reporters don’t go on the beat;
They simply show somebody’s tweet.
The press conference is obsolete;
Why bother when you’ve got a tweet?
And vital quotes are now backseat.
Just take a snapshot of some tweet.
Our journalists suck on one teat;
It isn’t news without a tweet. 
When gazing at eclipses, try
Not both your eyeballs to fry.
But then, what the hell --
With Trump and his spell,
In braille maybe he is more wry.
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