HEADLINES & VERSE. Friday. August 18. 2017

TRUMP SELECTED AS 'MOST LIKELY TO BE IN A HEADLINE' BY EVERY REPORTER IN THE WORLD

A president may take a stand

On foundations made of pure sand.

So when the storms blow

And flood waters flow,

He’ll sink into soggy marshland.

RESTAURANT SURCHARGES LINE POCKETS OF OWNERS, NOT EMPLOYEES

The surcharge is sneaky and deft

In masking a greasy spoon’s theft

Of customer cash

For serving them hash,

Which then makes them feel they’ve been effed.

NYTIMES BEGINS TO CREAK

The NYTimes isn’t as hip

As they like to brag and to quip.

They thought bubble tea

A new mystery --

And pay their reporters in scrip.

TRUMP USES PERSHING AS EXAMPLE ON HOW TO HANDLE TERRORISTS -- EVEN THOUGH HISTORIANS CONTINUE TO CONTRADICT THE WHOLE THING

When Pershing was Philippine boss

He counted the Moslems as dross --

According to Trump

He gave ‘em a bump,

Then buried ‘em with a ham sauce.

TINA FEY'S REBUTTAL TO THE ALT-RIGHT: 'LET US EAT CAKE!'

Here is a toothsome suggestion

So haters don’t ruin your digestion:

When skinheads deploy,

It’s time to enjoy

Eating large meals without question.