I had to go to the bank to get a roll of quarters.
To do my laundry.
The teller was a very nice young woman.
She had a lovely smile.
She got me my roll of quarters,
then asked if I would be interested in
a car loan.
"I don't drive anymore" I told her.
"Do you need a second mortgage,
or a reverse mortgage?" she asked politely.
"No thank you" I replied. "I'm trying to stay
out of debt."
She gave me another lovely smile,
then wrote something down on a
yellow legal pad.
"What are you writing?" I asked her.
"I'm making notes for my MBA class
on marketing" she told me.
"About me?"
"Well, yes" she said. "You show
remarkable sales resistance."
"Oh, do I?" I said, suddenly very pleased
with myself.
"Yes, you do" she replied. Then hesitated,
looking down and then back up at me.
"Would you mind answering a few
questions for me -- for my class?" she asked.
"Of course!" I said gallantly. "Anything to advance
your education!"
So she took me into a back room to
ask me all sorts of questions about my
spending habits and attitude towards
debt. She took copious notes.
When we were done she thanked me
effusively.
I was so overcome by her attention --
I'm a widower of many years --
that I went ahead and took out
a car loan -- for my daughter;
she's driving an old wreck that's
going to fall apart any day now.
And I applied for a reverse mortgage, too.
I've always wanted to put in a backyard
hot tub.
She shook my hand warmly and tenderly.
Even though that's against the rules nowadays.
I couldn't help myself: I asked her to marry me.
She was very sympathetic, and let me down easy.
She had to get her MBA first, she said.
"Then we can talk about a relationship" she
finished, handing me a brochure on investing
in Bitcoin and gently pushing me out the door.
I got back in the nursing home van and sat down
with a knowing smile
that drove the old ladies sitting up front
crazy.
"You look like the cat that swallowed the canary"
said one of them.
"I almost did" I told her smugly. "Do any of you
gals need quarters?"
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