Friday, September 25, 2020

Timericks from today's news.

 

What a handsome devil!


U.S. Stock Futures Point to Fourth Week of Declines.  (WSJ)


How do you write about stocks ev'ry day?
Don't it get boring and make your mind stray?
They either go up or else they decline;
whatever they do, they're duller than brine.
The numbers must cluster around your poor head
like midges in summer, and fill you with dread.
If I were a writer who tracked stocks and bonds
I'd go on a toot with a couple of blondes! 



Defense Department officials said top generals could resign if Mr. Trump ordered the active-duty military into the streets to quell election protests.  (NYT)

When the time comes that Trump stoops
to unleashing our own troops
on the voters of this land
the Pentagon may take a hand
in sending that agenda hound
off to Gitmo's dank compound.




Millions have watched TikTokers file their own teeth. Now, two of these DIY dentists say: Don’t try it.

Like seagulls to a garbage scow,
folks must flock to TikTok now.
They learn how to file their teeth
and to feed their children heath.
Instead of such trash unremitting,
why can't people take up knitting?





Beyond Meat’s Pitch for More Customers: It’s Not Just Good for the Planet, It’s Also Good for You.


If plant protein is good for me I'd rather never know it.
I prefer the real McCoy, with double chins that show it.
The roast or chop presides at meals; my verdict there is final.
Away with salads and tofu -- to me they taste like vinyl!




Putin Wants a Truce in Cyberspace — While Denying Russian Interference.  (NYT)

The Russian bear don't easy scare,
but when he thinks of Biden
he puts his cyber punks away
and sends 'em into hidin'.
To him our Trump is just a chump,
a weakling he is ridin';
But Putin sings a diff'rent tune
when he deals with Joe Biden.



Police are using the law to deny the release of records involving use of force, critics claim. (WaPo)

Tyrants and their minions embrace love of secrecy.
They never like to open up their files to you or me.
What are they concealing with their stubborn smoke and mirrors --
do they fear the judgement of their neighbors and their peers?

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