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it's wonderful, what's happening to newscasters around the world. it began with a sports announcer a few days ago; he started saying something about the president, but then stopped a moment and when he opened his mouth again a lovely group of monarch butterflies flew out and circled his head for a minute before flying up into the studio lights and burning up. next day a radio talk show host was arguing with a caller about Iran when they both suddenly broke into a medley from Fiddler on the Roof. they both had quite pleasing tenor voices. then on the CBS Evening News everyone started emitting bubbles, and on NBC they all spewed rose petals. at Fox News the broadcasters started spitting out dreidels, and Rush Limbaugh now gives out soft serve vanilla ice cream whenever he opens his mouth. it's a miracle, is what it is. America is now once again as peaceful and serene as it was when Eisenhower sat in the White House. the golf courses are full. hamburgers only cost a nickel a piece. they give away five gallons of gasoline when you get a car wash. it's so beautiful I feel a flock of helium balloons rising up in my throat right now . . .
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