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(dedicated to @emrosenberg)
a school for winners was founded in Detroit in 1949. it taught people to win what they want at any cost, to themselves and to others. their school motto, "Never Let 'em Know You're Bleeding!," was perhaps too aggressive. in hindsight school administrators now believe the school should have been open to all sorts of students, not just ambitious overachievers.
their most popular course over the years, and still today, is "Throwing Folders on a Table in an Intimidating Manner." this is a handy skill to have if you're interrogating someone or testifying before Congress, or, indeed, if you belong to Congress and want to terrify someone with a folder smack down. it can be used in the office, as well. the real trick, which takes much practice, is to slam the folder down on the table without having any of the papers inside slide out all over the place. most folder slamming experts agree that the best way to prevent such an occurrence is to have nothing in the folder at all.
in fact, the school is thinking of changing their motto to: "An Empty Folder is Your Best Friend."
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