Two senators want antifa activists to be labeled ‘domestic terrorists.’ Here’s what that means.

domestic terrorists have struck again. this time they've raided countless supermarkets and grocery stores, ripping the labels off cans and scattering them everywhere. there's no way to know now if you're buying a can of corn or a can of vienna sausages. or dog food. it's a terrible crisis that capital hill is handling as best it can. yet it points up a glaring deficiency in our labeling technology that needs to be addressed immediately.
that is why Clark County Visionaries for a New America have begun a grassroots campaign to have all canned goods rigged to explode when anyone tampers with their labels. any godless terrorist who tries to yank the label off a can of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni will have their hands blown off -- and serves 'em right, too. of course, there is a slight chance of collateral damage if a child or careless adult mishandles a label, but that is a small price to pay to keep America fed.
the frozen food industry issued a statement today that said, in part, "There's never a snag if you use a bag!"