I was arrested for looking too happy

I was arrested for looking too happy.

I was fined for harboring a typewriter after curfew.

They persecute me because I won't dandruff.

My bank account is closed by the authorities

after I mispronounce Schweigert.

They refuse me bail on account of Mel Gibson.

Then my lawyer runs out of cream cheese.

The judge is growing chives on his bench.

A jury of my peers all look like Jerry Colonna

in a movie with Hugh Herbert.

I can't last much longer without a waiver.

They say jail food makes you look guilty.

I still have my friends, but they read the wrong newspaper.

I'm being followed by a gnat-waisted lint processor

on a moped.

I'll go quietly, but with a great deal of noise.

Will I be crucified just to satisfy someone's knitting?

My parole officer makes me eat raw kale.

Afterwards I make a living editing graffiti

inside brick kilns.