Arby’s Has an Answer to Plant-Based Meat: A Meat-Based Carrot. (NYT)

(dedicated to @yaffebellany)



you don't know what you're eating anymore. carrots made out of meat; meat made out of carrots; apples made out of rice; rice made out of wheat; and sugar made out of aphids.  it's so confusing that I've given up eating and planted myself in the backyard, where I absorb nutrients from the soil and am practicisng photosynthesis.
I've shed all my clothes and welcome bees to come pollinate me. they tell me that even their honey is being manhandled by the big food corporations -- they turn it into probiotic, anti-oxidant wafers sold in kiosks at shopping malls.  and I was visited the other day by a mole nipping at my toes who says that cricket flour is being adulterated with cellulose -- he's seen it with his very own eyes.
eating has become such a burden and puzzle that it's time we got the mad scientists to mutate some genes and turn us into trees. Men can be oaks and women can be willow trees. that will take care of the morning commute. and we'll have dew for breakfast.  put THAT in your pipe and smoke it, Julia Child.