I wanted information on a certain fellow who I thought was telling people my poetry was no darn good. I had nothing concrete on him, just a hunch, from the way he looked at me, that he didn't appreciate my wry sense of humor and referential expertise, and was the kind of guy who would then tell the whole wide world what he thought of my stuff. so I decided to get the goods on him, kinda like a political election where you get the goods on your opponent to blackmail him to drop out of the race. I wanted this bozo to clam up about me, if he couldn't say anything positive. we poets have thin skins.
I paid a guy who knew a guy who had an in with a company that collected data and wasn't too careful about how they got it. I gave him ten dollars, and in return I got a beautiful leather bound dossier that showed that this guy had once been ticketed for public exfoliation, and was banned from Blockbuster Video Stores back in 1999 (reason not given.) His real name, on his birth certificate, is Howard Wainwright Huggins -- but we all know him as Benny Sinclair.
Now the shoe was on the other foot. I started to casually mention that I had a lifetime membership with Blockbuster Video, and didn't everybody have one nowadays even though the chain was kaput? I also noised it about that I never felt the need to change my name, although it's completely unpronounceable to a good thirty percent of the population. that did the trick. old Howard Wainwright Huggins has left town and was last seen selling t-shirts in Oregon. Eugene, Oregon. Wearing a patched overcoat and sandals. he seems to have shrunk and won't look anyone in the eye.
maybe I was too hard on him.
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