Someday, a turtle may end up with a Trump-branded straw in its nose. Here’s why.

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animals will put anything up their noses. when I was with the circus we had an elephant that snorted up a length of garden hose one afternoon just before the matinee. the trainer tried everything he could think of to get the elephant to blow it out, but the dumb beast refused to listen. eventually they had to perform a trunkoptomy. then there was the chimp that put saltines up its nose until it nearly suffocated. and the Russian bears loved nothing better than to poke circus peanuts up their noses when it was time to hibernate down at winter quarters.

in the wild, so I've read, the three-toed sloth slowly inserts pine needles up its nose to cure sinus infections. snakes are always slithering into wood splinters, ramming them up their nose. deer get their nostrils plugged up with tiny fruits while stripping barberry bushes during the early spring. and remember that golf ball that obstructed the whale's blowhole on Seinfeld?

all I'm saying is that nasal obstruction is a fact of life. animals need to accept that and get on with their mating rituals. we humans do.