@andsachs_sachs
I have a black belt in fidgeting.
It's not a brag; it's just a statement of fact.
The art of the fidget is learned
slowly and silently.
You sit in a cedar paneled room,
observing closely your fidget sensei.
It took me two years to master
foot tapping.
Two more to understand
the graceful intricacies of
the stifled yawn.
Now I can fidget at will.
But I use my power carefully.
A conspicuous fidget is
considered bad form.
It is best to do your fidgeting
in a darkened room,
with the curtains drawn,
in the early dawn.
The existence of the fidget
was first discovered
and then refined by
Duns Scotus during
the High Middle Ages.
He became aware of
drumming his fingers
on the lectern during a lecture,
and from there posited
the existence of a state of
being that was neither calm
nor rational, neither angry
or focused.
He named it after the Scottish
word 'fike' -- which means
a state of grace emanating from
an earthquake.
It caught on quickly among sailors,
who spread it to the Orient.
The Three Rules of Fidget are:
1. Never fidget on a full stomach.
2. A child cannot fidget; it can only squirm.
3. Never fidget for personal gain.
We Fidgeteers are rather secretive,
shunning the limelight.
Group fidgeting is discouraged,
except during Disco revivals.
If you would like to learn more
you will probably learn less.
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